She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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