Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize