I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
