you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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