i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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