Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.

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  (515): so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker. http://tfl.nu/m4up
  Replies (9) Good night (4098) Bad night (697)
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  (831): View more from California

  I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.

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  (831): I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures. http://tfl.nu/n0ak
  Replies (3) Good night (3563) Bad night (625)
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  (310): View more from California

  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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  (310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv
  Replies (36) Good night (928) Bad night (9763)
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  (559): View more from California

  I queefed so loud it echoed.

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  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
  Replies (56) Good night (2135) Bad night (11059)
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  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

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  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (6537) Bad night (1385)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself

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  (401): Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself http://tfl.nu/jjur
  Replies (35) Good night (927) Bad night (3506)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what?how do you know?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

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  (318): i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday.. (1-318): what?how do you know? (318): it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet. http://tfl.nu/gg1h
  Replies (10) Good night (1402) Bad night (4821)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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  (660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a
  Replies (7) Good night (3689) Bad night (1012)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

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  (614): Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in http://tfl.nu/9ss7
  Replies (14) Good night (3616) Bad night (871)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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  (205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8
  Replies (6) Good night (2571) Bad night (698)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.

  (646): View more from New York

  LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES

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  (407): I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair. (646): LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES http://tfl.nu/6j0d
  Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (577)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me

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  (336): Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me http://tfl.nu/v2u1
  Replies (10) Good night (1059) Bad night (525)
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  (716): View more from New York

  So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.

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  (716): So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great. http://tfl.nu/0vjk
  Replies (2) Good night (298) Bad night (379)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's no shave November. This is our time.

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  (248): It's no shave November. This is our time. http://tfl.nu/oloo
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (201)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..

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  (207): But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life.. http://tfl.nu/emx1
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (285)

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