just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.