Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

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  (803): so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer. http://tfl.nu/xrhj
  Replies (6) Good night (4010) Bad night (851)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

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  (816): you were mass sexting so we took your phone away http://tfl.nu/u2si
  Replies (13) Good night (4987) Bad night (1293)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

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  (631): Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate. http://tfl.nu/qonz
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (2695)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..

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  (302): We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys.. http://tfl.nu/lsa2
  Replies (8) Good night (811) Bad night (2179)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

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  (507): I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure http://tfl.nu/8ozd
  Replies (5) Good night (2474) Bad night (1001)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.

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  (435): some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit. http://tfl.nu/s9z4
  Replies (5) Good night (1258) Bad night (572)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does

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  (574): No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does http://tfl.nu/khj9
  Replies (8) Good night (991) Bad night (659)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.

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  (765): I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today. http://tfl.nu/xjgq
  Replies (4) Good night (472) Bad night (1156)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.

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  (815): You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever. http://tfl.nu/5xks
  Replies (3) Good night (407) Bad night (837)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance

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  (931): On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance http://tfl.nu/e8cg
  Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (818)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.

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  (407): I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect. http://tfl.nu/ydf2
  Replies (0) Good night (559) Bad night (290)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library

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  (630): when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library http://tfl.nu/iddb
  Replies (5) Good night (329) Bad night (442)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic

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  (902): that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic http://tfl.nu/ua91
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (219)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.

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  (775): And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward. http://tfl.nu/jda5
  Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (409)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now

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  (515): yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now http://tfl.nu/r5r9
  Replies (6) Good night (1028) Bad night (213)

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