We won't sleep together?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.