we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
