Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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