the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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