lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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