I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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