Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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