Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
