he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
