I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize