T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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