I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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