Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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