How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
