I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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