I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
