u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
