We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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