She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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