boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
