i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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