Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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