i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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