the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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