They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
