Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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