.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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