im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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