Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.