i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.