I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
one two three fourrrrnication!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.