bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.