someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
