paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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