I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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