Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
