Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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