i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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