you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
