I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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