I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think people are normalizing furries
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
