Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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