Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How's work?
Spinning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
