i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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