her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
