talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
