it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
