every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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