i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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