Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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