I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
